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This year represents a ten-year milestone since the phrase “disappearing” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the concept that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the height of disrespect. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, finding a significant other has only become more confounding – an commonly fruitless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media slang.

Gen Z, a generation who matured during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their Gen Y forerunners could ever envision. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed glossary to the words Zoomers is using to navigate romance, intimacy and the search of both. To channel one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this list you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your true, raw self. You'll need it with that!

B

Bird theory – A social media test loosely based on a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reply is engaged or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while radiating enigma and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This means choosing someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to partners who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal habits indicating a prospective partner is not right. Examples include calling their exes crazy, poor tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks confirm your choice to date a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe niche, mostly inoffensive quirks. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (nothing creates closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and frequently trivial repulsions that instantly extinguish any sense of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet gesture.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {